Re-mastering the art of being comfortable in my own company

I was scrolling through my Instagram, and I suddenly felt the need to take myself out on a date. It did not take me long to decide where to go. I booked a Grab car to Tamp Café in an instant. I looked out the window, watched the cars go by, and let my mind wander. I was so deep in thought when the Grab driver suddenly played Adele’s Easy on Me. Perfect timing. I know that there is hope in these waters, but I just can’t bring myself to swim when I am drowning in this silence. Funny how I have been singing to this song, but it was only at that moment that Adele’s words made sense to me.

I had to break my moment when we finally arrived at Tamp Café. I was hesitant to go in because I was alone. This wasn’t my first time but somehow, there was an eerie and unfamiliar feeling about dining alone.

Here's a little backstory—

Four years ago, unexpected circumstances pushed me to learn to do things on my own. And it was one of the most difficult journeys I had to take on. I was used to having someone to rely on. I was used to having someone I could ask for help. I was used to having someone who could shed some light whenever I had to make difficult decisions. Then all of a sudden, I had no one but myself.

Remember when we were kids and we used to think that the moment we reach the age of 24-26, we would already be married to the love of our lives and we would have kids, we have a job that we love, and everything in our lives are going so well? Yeah, I know, right? Well, it took me a while to accept how my life turned out. It took me a while to accept this redirection. It took me a while to understand that He has better plans for me.

I had an amazing support system which is why I managed every step of the way. I started becoming comfortable in my own company. I did the groceries alone. I watched movies in cinemas alone. I took myself out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner dates. I even went to the beach alone.

Re-mastering the art of being comfortable in my own company, Tamp Cafe

I went on a journey to becoming someone who wasn’t afraid to spend time alone. To become someone who knows exactly how to make myself happy. I stopped caring about what others may say. I started loving the life I lived. I started living my life for myself and not for anyone else.

Re-mastering the art of being comfortable in my own company, Tamp Cafe

I awkwardly went inside Tamp Café and asked to be seated by the window. I ordered a Tomato and Basil Omelette, a Tomato and Basil Grilled Sandwich, and an Iced Coffee Cloud Latte. While I was waiting, I put on my airpods and listened to Moira’s songs. That was the day their breakup story shocked the entire nation and broke everyone’s hearts.

While listening to Moira, I took some selfies. I felt like people were watching me. Judging me. In my head, I bet they were saying, "She’s a lonely loser." Before those thoughts were able to gather momentum, my food finally arrived and I realized that I may have ordered too much. Food is such a beautiful distraction. I didn’t bother eating the sandwich. I had it packed for takeaway instead. I slowly devoured the omelette and my iced coffee while still listening to Moira.

Somehow, the embarrassment and anxiety kicked in. I wanted to be disappointed with myself for feeling that way. But I realized, I shouldn’t invalidate my own feelings. I just need more time to be comfortable with my own company again. I need more time to get used to this without sulking in my "alone-ness".

Re-mastering the art of being comfortable in my own company, Tamp Cafe

Taking myself out on a date that day was an eye-opener. I saw the beauty of being alone in a different light. I no longer have to accommodate someone else’s preferences. I can finally savor every bite of my food without distraction. I can finally give myself the space and time to sit with my own thoughts. I no longer have to feel like I’m being rushed because I had all the time in the world. It felt so liberating to have total control over my own agenda.

I know that re-mastering the art of being comfortable with my own company won’t be difficult. I did it before, I can definitely do it again. I’ve already come a long way and I know that this time, I’m going to do it better. All it takes is a change in mindset. I’ll take this time to learn and unlearn things, to reflect, to think, to process, and to appreciate my life.

I am okay on my own.
I don’t need someone else to enjoy something.
I am responsible for my own happiness.
I am enough.